I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
