She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
