Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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