Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
