Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
