hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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