Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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