I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
