you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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