You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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