In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
