you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
