you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
pray to the hookup gods
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
