I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
