thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
