remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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