I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need to calm my uterus...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
