just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
