Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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