Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
