her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
