He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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