Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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