why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
