so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
