sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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