my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
