Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
