Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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