my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
are you so shy because you have an std?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
