Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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