You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
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I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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