There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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