the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
