Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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