You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
