Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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