I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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