apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
