Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
