Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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