Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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