just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
