I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
