his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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