Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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