It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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