when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
