she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize