im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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