just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
vagina is talking i cant
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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