not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
