I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
