I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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