____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
