and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
