He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
