I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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