Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I will be naked everywhere
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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