is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
