I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
