please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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