why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
