Please, let me fuck your mom
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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