He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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